Attention moms-to-be: Strap on this $130 Ritmo Advanced Sound System and you can play recordings of your favorite tunes, voice, or sound effects for that floating fetus. Just think, you can start early, giving that tyke a preview of your world, where silence is completely banned. Never mind if the little aspiring rugrat loathes any of your chosen noise — it’s supported by scientific evidence!

Reactive listening begins at 17 weeks, so choose classical music for the calming Mozart Effect, the classic rock of The Beatles, or the upbeat show tunes of Broadway. Any type of audio you can listen to on your iPod/MP3′s earphones can be enjoyed by your baby at the same time.

Sarcasm aside, I must admit I played a guitar pressed up against on the rounded belly of the pregnant mother of my child, and now my kid has “Free Bird” memorized for all time. Too bad that whole Mozart Effect was thoroughly debunked, or my kid would be positively Einsteinian by now.

But wait a second, helicopter parents. Stop putting so much pressure on your kids. They’ll develop in their own time, and with a lot less stress if you’ll quit projecting your ambitions onto them. Honestly — teaching in the womb? Can’t it wait?

See a soothing video of this parental pleaser in action: